A Dispatch from Second Life

A delightfully sarcastic little video...

No, I haven't died, I got a (second) life.

I imagine that having died would be more comfortable. But don't take that seriously; I'm in the last stages of a med change and such thoughts are symptomatic of the lack of seritonin and/or dopamine, not a lack of meaning.

I've had a long and productive relationship with Paxil, but I'm afraid the relationship is over. Like many really long relationships, there's a period of withdrawal and readjustment. I'm feeling particularly autistic and multiple, with a good selection of involuntary movements and sensory issues thrown in.

Most critically, my judgment sucks, so for right now, I won't be saying much about much of significance until I'm stable again.

I need to obsess about something, but if I spent much time obsessed about society and politics under these conditions, I'd probably slit my throat. Right now it's almost impossible for me to take a deep breath and walk away, so I'm paying as little attention to current events as possible.

Instead, I've doing Second Life, climbing the learning curve and getting ready for what many think to be the next big thing; the 3-D web.

It's still an open question as to whether Lindon Lab's Second Life or one of a myriad of other such platforms, engines and combinations thereof will become the new http protocol, but it's an ...erm... virtual certainty that one will perhaps in time to materially affect the 2008 election. If not, it will affect the 2010 elections - or if there are no elections in 2010, make it rather difficult to impose an effective dictatorship.

Not that I've been doing anything on Second Life that involves politics.

It's all very fascinating and complex, but there's little that's worth sharing, or that I could share, since when I'm in this state I also tend to let my Id take me where it will, and you probably don't want to follow. For those that do, at some point I' MAY have something coherent enough to post to Erotic Truth.

But I'm holding onto that thought until my thought process is again supported with socially-approved chemical crutches. I'll be trying Welbutrin and with any luck, it will work and I won't have to spend any more time being undermedicated.

Speaking of Paxil, while I'm not a medical professional and not pretending in any way to have more authority than entirely too much personal experience; take this as a bit of practical advice. In the normal course of events, you should never, ever, ever take an antidepressant for more than a year, and certainly never without the ongoing support of a certified clinical psycopharmocologist. [Cue Laugh Track]

NORMAL people - those who have not had their neuro-chemistry permanently altered with a series of untreated clinical depressions - will not likely need to take any antidepressant longer than a few months so the following is intended for those who must manage depression like diabetics manage their insulin levels, adapting to the unpalatable reality that their mental health is largely dependent on direct chemical intervention.

In the realm of practical reality within these here United States, simply be glad that you can get a GP to prescribe antidepressants. Meanwhile, as someone who's had brushes here and there with mental health professionals - let me advise you that you owe you and your loved ones a sincere shot at becoming a gifted amateur specializing in you.

However, as I said, Paxil worked very well for me, for a long time, so well and so long that it's apparent worst downside bit me; it's a persistent med that you do become gradually habituated to. So you can't simply switch medications over a long weekend - the higher your dosage, the longer it takes to taper off, and the more uncomfortable it will be. There's a lot of information out there on the web about Paxil/paroxidine and like all medications, you need to balance the up sides with the down sides. Paxil has plenty of both, and like all such medications, what happens to you is something that really cannot be precisely predicted.

I'm utterly miserable and unfit for human company while unaccountably blessed that there are folks in my life that will tolerate me and and monitor my behavior. If that was not the case - and I cannot possibly underline this enough - it's urgent that you accomplish this in a mental hospital or clinic.

Still, six years of relative sanity and stability is worth a lot, even if it comes with a massive balloon payment at the end of the term, and I have nothing but praise for the wonderful boffins who came up with this magic pill. I just wish the ride could have lasted a little longer.

Blogging, Burnout and Bob

It's been a long time since I awoke in the morning, spitting fire and eager to fight the good fight. The last seven odd years have been a graphic lesson in the saying "Bullshit Baffles Brains," and I confess that I'm loathe to carry on.

The obvious thing to do would have been to take a vacation - but I'm aspie and multiple, so I took a little mental vacation. To tell the truth, I'm phoning this in from Otherwhere.

No, I'm not confessing to a lapse in sanity, folks. I'm bragging. And proselytizing, just a little bit, because I just had a huge insight. You see, I'm just like anyone else in one sense, the way I think is natural to me, and I don't often think about it's differences, much less it's advantages or it's deficits. It takes some fairly unusual circumstances to think about how I think at all.

But for the last few weeks I've been devoting most of my time to Second Life, learning the interface, making new friends and generally recharging my batteries for the big showdown between the forces of Good and Bush.

In doing so, I've realized that in Second Life, people are using computers and games to enhance the power of dreams and imagination that is so very central to my own existence and that of other multiples. We often call it "internal reality," Often, before we can achieve something in real life, we need to literally model it in our imaginations.

You could pay thousands to attend seminars that would tell you to do just that; to consciously harness the power of your mind and imagination to make your dreams come true. But truth be told, it's all rather airy-fairy and for the more concrete of mind, produces neither data nor direct experience that's useful to implementing that reality.

Well, Second Life (and other such massive simulation platforms) do in fact produce real data, and test themselves in what really amounts to "the real world," that is to say, against statistically significant numbers of real people acting as people really do. Or, to give you a concrete example, you can learn to run a business with the price of failure being a tiny fraction of the dollars real world experimentation would extract. And yet, you would learn everything you need to know about marketing, customer relations, fraud and of course, arbitrary changes in the regulatory climate.

Now, as it's primary goal has been entertainment, Second Life has made many inconveniences of life optional. Players need not eat or sleep in the game, have no need to worry about disease , danger or even gravity. All physical conflict is purely consensual - as is all sexual activity. Second Life reality. does not bias that consent, though individuals may well try to twist your arm in order to get you to hop on a poseball, just to see what happens.

Personally, I find the results hilarious rather than pornographic, and a graphic illustration of the need for comprehensive and effective sex education.

Disclaimer - neither person here is known to me, nor would I admit it if they were. Actual age is a matter of speculation.

Adults should be obscene and not absurd.

While the main grid of Second Life is supposed to be 18 years and above, there's really no good way to ensure that, short of depending on parents to make sure their kids are doing what they should be doing. And, aside from outright neglectful and indifferent parenting, mileage varies on what sincere parents think of as "appropriate."

There is a "Teen Grid" in SL, and I plan to report on it at some future time - but I suspect it's more suited for pre-teens and tweens. If I were sixteen or seventeen... scratch that, WHEN I was sixteen and seventeen I chafed remarkably at such ghettos - and once I was able to leave them found out that what I was being "protected" from was largely in the minds of the dirty-minded.

You know, the sort of people who masturbate furiously thinking of Michaelangelo's "David" and then try to get images of it removed from text-books as being "Homoerotic."

I DO happen to think that it's appropriate for teens to be gaming out sexual relationships before actually engaging in them. The beauty of SL is that you have all the drama and none of the pregnancy, disease or death that teens CAN suffer from as the result of painfully swollen genitalia. The idea that SL might "Give them Ideas" is laughable. The ideas come with puberty. Comprehension of CONSEQUENCES, on the other hand - that comes with experience. It seems better that experience should be virtual.

Think of it as giving your child a driving game long before they get their license. While they are having fun - they are learning to drive. They also learn why the rules of the road exist in the first place.

SL is very useful for illustrating the "Why not" of "Thou Shalt Not." The answer is, usually, "Because it hurts." See illustration above. Sprains and concussions a distinct possibility - and it's a pretty good metaphor for life in general, whatever universe you happen to be in at the time.

My Second Life Profile - such as it is - can be found here.