Sunday, April 19, 2009

Help Steven Colbert Bribe the Comedy Network!

I'm tired of seeing the Black Screen of No. How about you?

It begins thus...

Op-Ed Columinst - The Bigots’ Last Hurrah -

Far from terrifying anyone, “Gathering Storm” has become, unsurprisingly, an Internet camp classic. On YouTube the original video must compete with countless homemade parodies it has inspired since first turning up some 10 days ago. None may top Stephen Colbert’s on Thursday night, in which lightning from “the homo storm” strikes an Arkansas teacher, turning him gay. A “New Jersey pastor” whose church has been “turned into an Abercrombie & Fitch” declares that he likes gay people, “but only as hilarious best friends in TV and movies.”
I meant to include the Colbert video in my earlier video compilation, A Mighty Wind is Breaking - it's clearly a winner.

But honestly, I didn't do it because it's a damn pain in the ass for me. Comedy Central and CTV's Comedy Channel do not play nice and so I have to include the proper embed plus a Canadian link. Goddess only knows how many other links I should include. There's a more disturbing situation in the UK. It's a Fox channel, and it's not in sync with the US and Canada.

Is there some special link for Finland or Botswana?

Maybe you guys could come up with some service that, I don't know, perhaps automatically detected what country a person comes from ... oh, wait, you have!

But all it does is tell me I can't WATCH the clip and redirects me to a site where I may or may not be able to find the same clip instead of serving me an ad for Canadian Tire or Tim Horton's, as the God of Cantor and Segel clearly intended. Even sillier, It can't be embedded!

Look guys. We Canadians like you. We like the Comedy Channel, too. (Where else can you find full episodes of Corner Gas?) But this is just strange and ridiculous, and it deserves an equally ridiculous response!

I urge Canadians to ask themselves, "What Would Colbert Do?" Clearly, he'd consider all the proper courses of action - and then bribe someone!

We must empower Steven to bribe the Comedy Channel, the Comedy Network, or perhaps both.

I mean, obviously they must need a few parts or something to make the video embed gadget work properly. Something is missing, and the official apologea - delicate licencing issues - is a clear admission that they don't have a better technical solution for the simple problem of getting us to look at the right ads.

Perhaps they need a router, or a cable. Possibly some "pipe" fitting supplies. In Canada, the first place you think of going when you may need a torch and solder for those fat pipes is Canadian Tire.

Maybe some Nozzle Gel would help! I know Steven would love to say Nozzle Gel on air. Several times.

Please collect FAT wads of Canadian Tire Money (Remember, small, unmarked, well used bills only!). Oh, wait, you probably already have.

Well, I am posing the question over at The Colbert Nation right now, and soon, I hope, we will have an answer. An address to which we can send shrink wrapped pallets of the most stable North American Currency there is. Ron Paul dollars may be hard currency - but this is hardWARE currency!

Clearly any network spokescreature would be hideously embarrassed by being publicly offered a truckload of Canadian Tire Money in order to fix a silly problem. But then, that's the point. So, Canada - head to your glove boxes with rubber bands in hand. A few hundred thousand ones, threes and fives ought to underscore the triviality of the situation!

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