Wednesday, December 03, 2008

My wife says it better. I can't be too proud to beg.

I hate feeling needy, vulnerable and scared. It makes me feel literaly crazy, and it's why I sent the last post out in the universe, begging for business.

But my wife deserves someone who won't let his pride get in the way of doing the right thing.

Canadian Communique ~ Letters to my son: want, need and necessity:

So, what are actual necessities?
Love, connection, and hope.
Enough nutrition to live, enough warmth to not get frost bite, air and water. But mostly love, connection and hope.

On those days when I'm feeling connected to others, feeling loved and able to love, and feeling even a smidgen of hope, I'm okay. And Okay is a good thing right now!

The problem is, that currently, there is no certainty that we will be able to afford enough ramen, heat and water to make it. Not when we add tobacco to the small list of necessities. Yes, I know, tobacco should be more on the need or perhaps want list. In any version of objective reality, it should not be on any list at all. But, with our current circumstances, lack of other medications, battling depression and anxiety, living in more of a survival mode than I have ever experienced before... tobacco is on the necessity list. At least for now. (more on that in our Tobacco Hanukkah Miracle post)

Any way, current circumstances make hope a hard thing to hold on to. Perhaps I need to replace it with faith! (I'll do a rant on that soon too.)

So, given current circumstances:
  • New town, no local friends or support
  • No medications
  • Truly scary financial situation
  • Lack of sunshine
  • Upcoming holidays which will need to go unrecognized
How can one hold hope?
I dunno.

Right now the rent is overdue. It's a technical glitch that's adding to my stress levels on top of the fact that paying the rent will reduce us to pocket change and lint. So, if you are in a position to buy a t-shirt... please do.

There's also my last post... and finally, I'm not too proud this month to take donations. As much as I wish I could afford that luxury, I'm in need of charity.

And if the only charity you can afford is to thumb this up on stumbleupon or forward this post to friends who you think might be interested in my artwork... every little bit helps. Fifty cents or a dollar will buy me quite a few ad impressions on project wonderful and the more ways I can offer the universe a chance to come up with a Christmas Miracle - the better.

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