Sunday, March 29, 2009

The Quiet Canadian Agenda

Canadians are internationally known for being rather grey, slightly humorless and unfailingly polite. It's a perception that we encourage because it allows a certain sort of Canadian to have fun with tourists. Some Canadians have made careers of it. 

Others have taken shameless advantage of  an international stereotype of unassuming, polite competenceNational Film Board grants and experience at the CBC allow Canadians to build resumes that make American networks and film companies think we are exceptionally well-qualified to inform and entertain Americans. 

This is true, of course; it's one of the many blessings of literacy. 

We have cleverly used this to infiltrate "American" culture and influence it so that we can impose our vision of social and civil propriety upon all of you. 

Lorne Green; Founder of the Canadian Conspiracy
We do that so easily because so many assume a funny or interesting Canadian could not actually be Canadian. This has allowed people like Lorne Green andWilliam Shatner to penetrate to the very core of American Culture - Television dramas and lifestyle marketing.

Yes, People of the United States - it's already too late. The subversion is complete. Soon we shall rise up, place our toques upon our heads and gently clear our throats so that you may become aware of who's civilization this actually is. 

Did you REALLY think Obama was a secret Indonesian Muslim Jehadi? Really? Think about it!

He's well-spoken, with an amazing command of English and a clear ability to engage in parliamentary debate. But more tellingly, he's polite, courteous and intelligent. His sincerity is credible. He's stunningly, conspicuously - normal. He sounds just like any OTHER Canadian politician.

These very same politicians are cleverly using our  public media to foster the next generation of centrist, sane, competent and intellectually literate leaders. Ostensibly for Canada, of course - but as World Net Daily has insisted, it's really not that difficult to forge a birth certificate. 

Not that we'd do that1.

One might think our Francophone Leaders would be the normalcy that disproves the supposition, but that's simply a question of tactical focus. They have to appear comparatively sane by French standards, as opposed to being seen that way by Americans. There is still a lingering French presence in North America, still ready to subvert our cuisine and viciously taunt us from their Island Fastness.

This is why France is Canada's OTHER target for civilization-by-subversion
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although the  preemptive Jerry Lewis infiltration by the United States has significantly impacted our plans to  supplant mayonnaise-laden pomme frites with Poutine - as God clearly intended!  And to be sure, there have been missteps; Celine Dion is sometimes regarded as the Dieppe of Canadian Cultural Imperialism. That's what you get when you go for a twofer. 

But yet, sooner or later, our conspicuous sanity will prevail and "Peace, Order and Good Entertainment" will be the law of the land. And by God, good beer for all!

Poutine And Smoked Meat Sandwich Photo: Danielle Scott
1: Badly enough to be suspected by the people who write World Net Daily.


Anonymous said...

"Canadians are always finding ways to ruin our lives! The metric system, for the love of God! Celsius! Neil Young!"

(You knew I was going to say that.)


Bob King said...

And as I said... Celine! The Bare Naked Ladies! Leonard Cohen!

And worst of all... Alex Trebec.


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